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Why do I feel like nothing makes me happy? Or happy enough? That even when I make changes on the outside, I’m still feeling unfulfilled. I feel like it’s getting in the way of my dreams, goals, relationships. Nothing is ever enough.

Asked 2/9/2021 19:27 by Andres
Brian Balke, C.Ht.

Brian Balke, C.Ht.

Answered 2/9/2021 21:32

Andres, your most important relationship is with yourself. Happiness is an emotion - it describes your physiological reaction to events. It arises with alignment between your physical wellness and your external activity. When external change creates only temporary satisfaction, the deeper parts of the mind are sometimes concerned that you don't really have control over your choices. In empowering you to communicate with the deeper mind, hypnotherapy can help build self-trust. This is one scenario In working with a hypnotherapist, you'll develop a strategy that fits your life experience.

Stephanie Lewis

Stephanie Lewis

Answered 2/10/2021 00:35

Andres, what you are experiencing is not unusual. That euphoria when reaching an external goal can turn into an empty and unsatisfying feeling quickly. One thing to keep in mind is that our intrinsic, internal goals are more motivating than our external goals. A key question is whether your goals are in alignment with what you really want. Goals often reflect conscious explicit motives shaped by societal norms, reward structures, and what we believe. But there is more to this question of what you really want in your daily life. You have implicit motives as well. You just might not know it because they are subconscious, which influences your actions more than you may realize. A mismatch between your explicit motives and your implicit subconscious motives can undermine your well-being and ability to reach your goals. If it exists, it is s possible to overcome or reduce this misalignment. Studies indicate that goal imagery and mindfulness meditation, for example, can help to access implicit motives and foster a congruence between conscious and subconscious goals. You may also want to reflect on the process you are using to reach your goals and your efforts so far. You may not be giving yourself sufficient credit for all you have accomplished. In peace and gratitude, Stephanie

Jessica Ludwig

Jessica Ludwig

Answered 2/10/2021 02:55

Most people find themselves going through these sort of emotions at at least one point in their life. We are living in a world where so much is at our finger tips and not always in a good way. We have social media which allows us to compare ourselves to others more or view others stories and "think" that is what we want. I think that one thing that is really important to do is make a list of what truly makes YOU happy? Is that happiness speaking from your heart or this the perception of others? We have all been raised to view things in a certain light but sometimes that light gets brighter or dimmer as we grow older and create a path for ourselves. It's important to start to unpack those feelings or thoughts and separate what views, opinions, feelings have been embedded in us or those that are really ours. I have been going through some reflection myself lately and this perception of what I think happiness should be but in reality that vision is actually blocking my ability to live in the moment and allow each day to unfold. I am constantly focusing on the destination, rather then the journey. Does that make sense? I know I started rambling. May I make a suggestion for a podcast I recently listened to? It's call Made for Living Well, Episode #227 "This Simple Mindset Shift Changed My Health".......Feel free to let me know what your thoughts are if you do end up listening.

Elizabeth Sherman

Elizabeth Sherman

Answered 2/14/2021 13:45

I totally get this because there was a time that I felt this way too. So, I’m going to answer your question from my personal experience, and then how I was able to turn it around. For me, I didn’t want to feel negative emotion - which totally makes sense because we don’t want to feel negative feelings. They feel bad. But what ended up happening for me, was that when we take away the negative feelings, thinking that we can ONLY feel positive emotion, what happens is that we become numb - because we can only go as high as we go low. We need contrast in our lives. We’ve been led to believe that we should always be happy. But what if the contrast of emotions - having a life that is full of positive AND negative is the true human experience? So, what I started doing was paying attention to my emotions - how my body was feeling & what it was feeling. The other piece was to start a gratitude practice- because once I was able to appreciate the good things in my life, I was able to find more good things in my life. Good Luck. You can do this.

Laura Zane-Nwagbaraocha, MA, LMHC

Laura Zane-Nwagbaraocha, MA, LMHC

Answered 2/16/2021 14:39

Hi Andres, sometimes in life we set goals and think "yeah, this is it, after this I am going to be happy" and then we reach that goal and for a few minutes we feel Happy. However, this is a temporary happiness based outside ourselves. Often, our goal setting is because we want to prove to ourselves and others that we are "good enough". The problem is, each time we meet a goal...we may feel a little happiness and then we may feel emptiness. Then we have to set another goal, and boom...repeat. That is because sometimes as kids we are taught the sky is green. What I mean by that, is sometimes we are taught or come to some internal agreement that true happiness comes from doing something, instead of just being ourselves. True happiness comes from inside, when we feel like we are good enough just because we are, that we don't HAVE to DO anything to be LOVED. So we get the ups and downs of accomplishments, and sometimes that resembles happy, but often it is just a temporary high. True happiness is more contentment, it may have some highs, some lows but they are not high highs or low lows. So how can you fix that? It begins by doing some self reflection on why you are doing what you are doing. Start with am I doing this because I LOVE IT and it makes ME HAPPY, or because it is expected. Start having conversations with yourself about what happiness is, what does it look like. Getting hooked up with a good counselor, coach or guide can be helpful as well. We often didn't create this understanding by ourselves, so it can be hard to fix it ourselves. I wish you luck on your journey, and Yes. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Love and healing, Laura

Helen Lim

Helen Lim

Answered 2/16/2021 21:02

Great question. Thank you for sharing. What if you changed the focus point and instead ask, how do I make me happy? The shift is subtle. Did you catch it? What can you do for yourself and in your life to make you happy. Rather than searching for happiness on the outside, get in touch with yourself from within and fulfill yourself.