How many times have you heard statements like these?
“You’re too dark!” “You’re too shy!”
“Wow, you are hairy!” “You are too fat.”
“You are too much!” “ You are too little.”
“Wow, you have gained weight!”
Recently I was listening to Oprah’s soul series podcast, and there was an episode in which Toni Morrison’s “The Bluest Eye” was being discussed. It was a replay from her book club. It reminded me of the following things I heard from other kids at school and adults while I was growing up.
I was an Indian American girl growing up in South Texas. My parents spent a lot of time working hard to try to accomplish the American dream. As soon as they could afford it, they put me in private school. I remember entering 2nd grade and feeling so out of place. First, everyone wore uniforms and there I was with my dresses. I was the only Indian girl besides my sister and was just different. My parents were not wealthy like lots of the other parents, and they didn’t come to volunteer or to any school events. They didn’t know that it was necessary at the time. I know my parents did the best they could, and I do wish they were more present.
On top of all of this, I was horrible at sports and had my growth spurt in 5th grade. All of this has had an impact. It has affected how I dress, how I function in the world, how I show up in the world, and, most of all, my self-image.
What critical or hurtful words have you heard that you still remember and maybe still have an energetic charge?
Bringing the words to the light and into your awareness is the first step in healing. Recognize how these words impact your behavior, and then you can work on changing those words that have most likely become your thoughts. These thoughts impact your behavior and your feelings and definitely your self-worth.
How can you accept these flaws? How can you accept that You are enough and that you are not those words, those words don’t define your self-worth?
Here is the process: Recognize the words, know and clarify how they impact you, reprogram the words with the truth, and choose differently. To explain this process, here is an example below:
“You are too fat!”
These words impact me: I feel fat and compare my body to others. I don’t wear clothes that are fitted and often hide in pictures; I wear loose clothes, I can diet and overexercise.
Truth: Your body is curvy; this is who you are. No matter how much you hide your body or hide in pictures, you will not be able to change your body type. Life is too short to wear clothes that you don’t like. Life is too short to hide
Action: Tell your body you are grateful for it and today where something that you like or if you feel called to do so, go get a beautiful fitted dress.
Please note that you may have to do this multiple times. The more you can catch these thoughts, the more you can let them go and improve your confidence/self-worth.
Know that your thoughts create your reality, and you can choose differently.